Posts Tagged ‘reflection’


True Love and Twittering During Superbowl

February 1, 2009

So I was sick all last week, so my efforts to try and blog more often totally crapped out. I had a three day migraine that lasted until midday Saturday. I’m still under the weather, but well enough to get out and about.

While I was sick, I missed a dinner reservation, a haircut, a gym trainer appointment, a paper deadline, and lost 10 followers on Twitter. But I also lost 3 pounds, sooooo…. win?

Sadly no. The loss of 3 pounds does not cancel out tons of mass guilt I feel for letting dozens of balls drop because of a stupid cold/flu. At least the migraines stopped and I can be sick without being unable to Twitter or read or write. Being sick is one thing, but migraines are the worst. (I’m not liking, by the way, that Twitter topped the list before read and write. What’s happening to me?)


Anyway, I found this INCREDIBLE news story on a local news site this morning:

Couple die together after 62 years of marriage | KOMO News – Seattle, Washington | News

The story tells about a couple who recently died, after being married for 62 years, within six hours of each other. The wife had been diagnosed as terminally ill, and the husband basically ‘gave up the ghost’ when she passed away. Their relatives are quoted as saying that “their lives ebbed and flowed” together, and so, as sad as they are to lose both of them at the same time, they’re overjoyed that they died as they lived- completely in love and dependent on one another.

My husband Vasant and I were lying in bed the other night, and I couldn’t sleep- so I was distracting myself by trying to match my breaths to the duration and depth of his (he ALWAYS falls asleep right away). It took a while to slow my breath down to match his, but I kind of felt a “chi”-like energy in my gut breathing with him like that. I felt warm and drowsy and after ten or fifteen minutes fell asleep on his chest.

THAT is how I dream our last moments will be. In our nineties, on a house by the ocean, coming in from the garden and lunch, we’ll lay down together to nap, match breaths and just let go of this world. We’ve talked about that scenario so many times, and this story just kind of makes me feel reassured that it does happen. Vasant’s grandfather gave up the ghost six months after his wife went. Nothing was wrong with him- he just didn’t want to go on without her. The article details how it’s actually quite a regular phenomena, for couples who have been together for an incredibly long time to just “quit” life after one partner dies. Vasant and I read the article today and felt like that ideal afternoon 70 years from now… may be more than just our own sentimental wishes.


In NON-SENTIMENTAL news, I twittered during the Super Bowl. It was fun. A small party actually happened at our place, last minute, which was wonderful, and while we’re all hanging out, I’m also twittering (I’m not anti-social, I’m WONDERFUL at multitasking twitter and live interaction). But man, watching the game was fun, but it was made even more enjoyable by watching it with all the people I follow on Twitter- especially when everyone in the room was yelling the same thing as all the people on Twitter. It was like being at TWO superbowl parties. I’m sure someone somewhere will right an article about that: Multi-tasking social events: Real Life and Twitter Superbowl parties and how they intertwine.

By the way, best movie trailer? Transformers 2. Best non-movie commerical? It was a tie between MacGruber and Alec Baldwin’s Hulu/Alien commercial. Great stuff.


A post composed listening to the aforementioned playlist…

January 2, 2009

I’m taking down our tree this weekend. It’s gorgeous and beautiful… and dead. Every night when I turn the lights off, I’m convinced it’s gonna go up in flames, but I am sucha Christmas nut that I can’t resist going to sleep, bathed in the fushia glow of the mulit-colored lights.

I’ve been thinking way too much about the past this week. I’m sure it’s just the contagious elements of the New Year, but I can’t stop reflecting on the distant past and wondering if the things I left in the shadows of past places will stay put. I can hope so, but sometimes I feel like I’ve been cut off from who I used to be seven different times. I have no way of recalling every place I used to be, or every type of person I’ve ever been… I’ve been so many by now and I’m just 27. It just feels overwhelming on weeks when I’m stuck at home for the holidays, nothing to occupy my mind per se, and memory seizes upon the opportunity to take me down millions of miles of nostalgic byways.

Will the past stay in the past? Will I ever knee-jerk and fall back into an old mindset, and old version of myself, who I thought I’d killed and buried along one of those byways? Will the few people and things I feared enough to run from ever re-appear? Or am I safe from some things?

These thoughts tend to scare me when I let them float up to the surface. I tell myself I won’t run into some people and some things ever again, but I know better than that. You can’t guarantee against the scary things. And maybe accepting that is the only way to ever possibly prepare for meeting them one day.


My ability to live this long is due to only one thing: the ability to claim reinvention. Every year, every January 1st, to look back and distance myself from the person the last year made me to be. My ability to believe I CAN be different, over and over, is what has given me hope to persist and endure. The downside to this is, on a day like today, I feel like I’ve moved on from so many versions of myself, looking back at the roads I’ve traveled to get here is like looking at a maze stretching behind me.

“What have I become, my sweetest friend?”

Regardless of my convoluted self-archive, I am blessed to be here tonight, writing with a clear mind, ruminating on how lucky I am that a girl who was suicidal since age 11 has made it to be a woman of 27, happily married, with a bright artistic future in front of her. I’m not much, but I’m at least that, and I’m grateful for it.



A playlist for this new year…

January 1, 2009

Welcome 2009!

Happy New Year!
“My Dear Acquaintance (A Happy New Year)”, Regina Spektor

“And a happy new year to all that is living, to all that is gentle, kind and forgiving.”

I want authenticity.
“Antichrist Television Blues”, Arcade Fire

“Now I’m overcome by the light of day.”

“Moving Mountains”, Thrice

“But all other things shall fade away…”

I want bravery.
“Have You Got It In You?”, Imogen Heap

“All at once, not a whisper, no word, then all at once-
Let me have it all, let me have it, battle on…”

“Underdog”, Spoon

“I hear the call of a lifetime ring, felt the need to get up for it…”

I want to be challenged.
“Come On! Feel The Illinoise!”, Sufjan Stevens

“Are you writing from the heart?”

I want to fall deeper in love.
“Kingdom Come“, Coldplay

“In your fire and in your flood, in you tears and in your blood, I hear you laugh, I heard you say: I wouldn’t change a single thing.”

“A Song for Milly Michaelson”, Thrice

“I love the night, flying o’er these city lights, but I love you most of all~”

I want to remember
“Hurt”, Johnny Cash

“But I remember everything…”

“Swing Life Away (Acoustic)”, Rise Against

“Let’s compare scars, I’ll tell you whose is worse. Let’s unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words.”

I want to be different-
“My Body Is a Cage”, Arcade Fire

“My mind holds the key.”

And hope for better.
“Chicago”, Sufjan Stevens

“I made a lot of mistakes. You came to take us (all things go, all things go), to recreate us, (all things grow, all things grow).”


It sounds just as good as it reads. Happy New Year, you all.